Foo

Langkawi Memoirs

Just now I was out in the courtyard of this immense complex that is the Bank Negara vacation home in Langkawi, gazing at the stars, as the overwhelming realization of how small we humans really are. And yet, for all our significance, our personal greviences seem vastly more important than our role here, on this earth.

It’s seemingly tranquil places like this which invoke such thought, forces us to think, to wonder and let the soul wander. It is then I came to a realization which I suppose I’ve always known.

Human beings, regardless of race, creed, or upbringing strive for acknowledgement. Our brains might not know this, but our heart knows, the heart always knows. It is the affirmation of our existence be it from a close friend, a relative, a sibling or that special someone which fills us with joy and warmth that makes trudging thru this existence a little more bearable.

But such is the fate of people like myself, who are constantly searching for affirmation and yet never seem to achieve it. But we get on with life, or atleast we try. In my case I remind myself that I am nothing more than a spec in this cosmic orgy that is our universe.

Affirmation feeds the soul, it nurtures it and allows it to forget it’s own sorrows, even if only for a brief moment. And atleast for that moment, solace is found.

Tsan posed this question on her blog; asking, “You can't change the past nor can you determine the future. So why do we try to think so hard and so much?”

It is the regrets of the past, of old scars and wounds which we fear to re-dress and the uncertainty of what is to come, which compels us to dwell on such thoughts. Worst of all, it is these very thoughts which may cause heightened anxiety. And unless there is someone to pull you out of that dark chasm, unless there is atleast a helping hand which responds to your cries of help, the anxiety will continue to eat till the person’s very will to live is diminished.

The final blow however, is when your cries aren’t heeded by those who you thought would be there to help. It is then that a cataclysmic spiral of despair, depression and general emo-ness takes control. There is no logical thought, there is no clear mindedness, there’s just despair.

It is times like these however that people just need to shove these insecurities aside, stomach their own problems and help instead of wallowing in self pity. Who knows, perhaps in aiding other people may prove to be the remedy to the original malady.